Not Who I Think…

Songs:
Mark Schultz – I Am
Donald Lawrence & the Tri-city Singers – I Am God
Bebo Norman – I Will Lift My Eyes

Scriptures:
Psalm 46:10a (KJV) Be still and know that I am God…
Exodus 3:1-14 (KJV)
1Now Moses kept the flock of Jethro his father in law, the priest of Midian: and he led the flock to the backside of the desert, and came to the mountain of God, even to Horeb.
2And the angel of the LORD appeared unto him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush: and he looked, and, behold, the bush burned with fire, and the bush was not consumed.
3And Moses said, I will now turn aside, and see this great sight, why the bush is not burnt.
4And when the LORD saw that he turned aside to see, God called unto him out of the midst of the bush, and said, Moses, Moses. And he said, Here am I.
5And he said, Draw not nigh hither: put off thy shoes from off thy feet, for the place whereon thou standest is holy ground.
6Moreover he said, I am the God of thy father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob. And Moses hid his face; for he was afraid to look upon God.
7And the LORD said, I have surely seen the affliction of my people which are in Egypt, and have heard their cry by reason of their taskmasters; for I know their sorrows;
8And I am come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians, and to bring them up out of that land unto a good land and a large, unto a land flowing with milk and honey; unto the place of the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Amorites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites.
9Now therefore, behold, the cry of the children of Israel is come unto me: and I have also seen the oppression wherewith the Egyptians oppress them.
10Come now therefore, and I will send thee unto Pharaoh, that thou mayest bring forth my people the children of Israel out of Egypt.
11And Moses said unto God, Who am I, that I should go unto Pharaoh, and that I should bring forth the children of Israel out of Egypt?
12And he said, Certainly I will be with thee; and this shall be a token unto thee, that I have sent thee: When thou hast brought forth the people out of Egypt, ye shall serve God upon this mountain.
13And Moses said unto God, Behold, when I come unto the children of Israel, and shall say unto them, The God of your fathers hath sent me unto you; and they shall say to me, What is his name? what shall I say unto them?
14And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you.

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A couple of years ago, I sensed the Lord ask me:

Do you want to know who I am?

Yes, LORD! I said excitedly.

No, do you really want to know who I am. … I'm not who you think I am.

This shocked me into silent reflection. Here I was, sitting in church during Bible study, having the Lord ask me if I wanted to know Him. We were discussing whether God causes things to happen or whether He just allows them. Our Bible study was interactive, and someone in the congregation was voicing their opinion / belief that God doesn't cause bad things to happen - He only allows them. I was only half listening, still wondering about what I felt the Lord had spoken to me, thinking that I agreed with the person who was speaking.

Some people don't want to know the truth. Do you really want to know who I am?

At this point, I was about to cry. That He was asking if I really wanted to know Him suggested that what I thought I knew of Him at this point was not right. This made me pause in fear: what if I didn't like, couldn't love, wouldn't want to be in league with Who God really was? I felt that God had manifested Himself to me in a totally unexpected way in 1996, and then proceeded to challenge, shatter and reshape many of my ideas about Him, religion, myself - about life. My views about everything had been shaken. And now, to think that I still wasn’t getting it right – that I still didn’t know Him – saddened me. I finally said, in fear and trembling, that I did really want to know Him.

I’ve since come to the conclusion that in this life, there will always be so much more of Him for me to know; while I am in this flesh, there will always be correction and adjustment needed to what I think I know about Him, and the need for a corresponding change in my relationship with Him.

A while back, I sensed the Lord focusing again on this topic of knowing Him, when he said, again:

I’m not who you think I am.

I took Psalm 46:10 to heart, and didn’t say anything. I just listened. Then He said:

I’m not Who you think – I AM!

There was such a power in this exchange that it really did frighten me. But in His mercy, God seems to be so slowly, so tenderly wooing me closer, so that I will not be afraid. For example, this past Wednesday, I happened to see Beth Moore (on Life Today, the Wednesdays with Beth series segment on The Bread of Life, part 3) where she said:

- God's Presence with us is a fact.
- It’s fellowship that activates the feeling of Divine Presence.

And I was talking with someone else the other day, about God’s Presence being / going with us:

Exodus 33:12-19 (KJV)
12And Moses said unto the LORD, See, thou sayest unto me, Bring up this people: and thou hast not let me know whom thou wilt send with me. Yet thou hast said, I know thee by name, and thou hast also found grace in my sight.
13Now therefore, I pray thee, if I have found grace in thy sight, shew me now thy way, that I may know thee, that I may find grace in thy sight: and consider that this nation is thy people.
14And he said, My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest.
15And he said unto him, If thy presence go not with me, carry us not up hence.
16For wherein shall it be known here that I and thy people have found grace in thy sight? is it not in that thou goest with us? so shall we be separated, I and thy people, from all the people that are upon the face of the earth.
17And the LORD said unto Moses, I will do this thing also that thou hast spoken: for thou hast found grace in my sight, and I know thee by name.
18And he said, I beseech thee, shew me thy glory.
19And he said, I will make all my goodness pass before thee, and I will proclaim the name of the LORD before thee; and will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will shew mercy on whom I will shew mercy.

There are different things going on in my life these days, to bring correction, protection, provision, and change – but I know that it is all so that I will know my God better…

…and my journey with Him continues…